Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Smells Like Teen Spirit

The Moog Cookbook:




Paul Anka:




Bruthal:



Willie Nelson:




The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain:





Richard Cheese:




Scala & Kolacny Brothers:




B-Dash:




The Vitamin String Quartet:



Pleasure Beach:




The Flying Pickets:




Dokaka:




Tori Amos:




The Bad Plus:



Paul Wickens (Wix):




Patti Smith:



Możdżer, Danielsson, Fresco:



Green Day:




Comments from one of the videos:

A: Kurt is not dead, he live in our hearts.
B: I'm pretty sure he's dead.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

The Horse that Norm Flogged, An Autopsy



I do enjoy squabbling on the internet, and anyone who knows me will confirm that I'm a pedant. But with both of these things, there are limits. Two months ago, I involved myself in a particularly bitter, protracted, and pathological altercation, which had already been running for several weeks.

Ridiculously, the whole disagreement (extending to over 8,000 words) hinges on a semantic dispute about the meaning of dumping a thing in a skip. So, although the discussion undoubtedly touches upon several important political issues, you’ll not be getting any of that here. I'm just going to follow the principal thread through, from the start.

It's a long haul, I'm afraid. So here's a sketch:

1. Blogger makes political statement X.
2. Blogger is challenged with evidence that X is empirically false.
3. Blogger leaves the nuanced world of political debate, and attempts to force through a version of X as an exercise in pure logic.
4. Blogger is confronted with the fact that logic doesn’t do what he says it does.
5. Blogger responds with hoots of derision at the idea that pure logic can replace nuanced political debate.
6. Blogger makes no comment as to where this leaves X.

In more detail, then:

1. Back in September, Jonathan Freedland, reporting on the labour party conference wrote that
there is close to a consensus on the debacle of foreign policy. Voices of left and right agree that Blair's doctrine of "liberal interventionism" is one part of the inheritance that should be dumped in the nearest skip. Even those who liked the idea in theory concede that its practice proved disastrous.


Enter Norman Geras, who summarises this consensus position as the belief that "when genocides are in progress, the killers should just be allowed to get on with it".

So, X above is Norm’s assertion that these unnamed conference delegates necessarily hold the view that he attributes to them. The entire subsequent debate - at least the bit I am interested in - is about whether this is a legitimate conclusion for him to draw.

1½. Obviously, it is not a legitimate conclusion for him to draw, but a flippant insult dashed off in a moment of annoyance. If Norm conceded what others can plainly see, that would be the end of it. Perhaps then a proper political debate could take place, instead of all this. But, for whatever reason, he has continued to insist on the validity of his summary. The rest of this post details the elaborate defensive manoeuvring this has forced him into.

2. Conor Foley volunteers himself as an example of someone who believes that liberal interventionism should be dumped in the nearest skip, while not believing that killers should just be allowed to get on with genocide. (I’d place myself in the same category, and would guess that many other people, including a good chunk of the original consensus, are similar.)

Therefore Norm’s original summary is, as a matter of empirical fact, false.

2½. Exactly how and why anyone might take Conor’s view is a more serious question which I shan’t go into. Conor did discuss it, at some length. In response, Norm, well, let’s just say he would do well to take some of his own advice: “When criticizing someone else's view he might try thinking about it a bit more, try getting some sense of its inner contours.”

3. At this point Norm has apparently lost the original argument. His characterisation of Conor’s views (and mine, and others’) has been exposed as flatly incorrect. Rather than giving in, he comes up with a new ruse by which he may be able salvage something.

If he can prove that his summary would be accurate, if only our views were internally consistent, then it will be our fault and not Norm’s, that he is wrong. His only mistake will be in underestimating the depth of idiocy of his political opponents. (No doubt he’ll be only too happy to put that right next time around.)

So he sets out to prove, using logic alone, that his conclusion follows from our premise:
It's a simple logical point, the very simplest: if you say that a certain doctrine - call it 'liberal interventionism' - should be dumped in the nearest skip, and if you also believe that military intervention to stop genocide is, in certain circumstances, a justified policy, it better not be the case that the doctrine of liberal interventionism includes the proposition that military intervention to stop genocide is, in certain circumstances, a justified policy. Otherwise you'll be dumping something in the skip that you don't really want to dump there.


4. I chip in with the observation that accepting Norm's “simple logical point” leads to absurd consequences. In short, if dumping a doctrine in a skip entails jettisoning each of its component policies - and I repeat that this is Norm’s position, made explicitly in the above quote, not mine - then no doctrine should ever be dumped in a skip. Every doctrine, even the most evil or inane, contains some bits you’d want to keep.

This is not, then, an acceptable interpretation of “dumping a doctrine in a skip”. That was the purpose of my post. It is therefore not a legitimate platform for Norm to stand on to reach his desired conclusion. His logical defence has failed.

5. In his latest post, Norm is overcome with mirth at the absurdity of my conclusions, even adding some extra of his own. He successfully illustrates how ludicrous I am being in crudely applying hard logic to such complex social phenomena as political doctrines. He is apparently unconcerned that it’s his own argument that he’s demolishing.

6. So where does all this leave us regarding the original question? Norm has finally arrived at the view that “you may keep the baby (so to say) while throwing out the bathwater”, a revelation he delivers with a terrific flourish, as if anyone other than he had suggested otherwise.

Anyway, he is right. Given this new agreement between us, perhaps he’ll consider whether it is at least conceivable that this was the consensus’ view discussed right at the very start? That is to say that the metaphor of “dumping a doctrine in a skip” might have a similar meaning to that of “pulling the plug in the bath”, and neither need imply that everything be junked, just some significant, undesirable components?

If he's going to address that question (again), he should factor in that this really is the expressed view of a number of people, and that it's a perfectly coherent one.

7. Nevertheless the form-book strongly suggests that he won't accept this. In which case, what he might try next? Personally, I’ve got my fingers crossed for a crotchety analysis of the procedural differences between draining political bathwater and chucking doctrines into skips...

Friday, November 20, 2009

Local Derby "Shames Football"



Saturday’s match between non-league teams Sherbourne Albion and Stalbridge Wanderers has received universal condemnation for bringing the game of football into disrepute. Addressing the press after the controversial 3-1 defeat, the chairman of the Wanderers Fans’ Association said “This match was played fully in the spirit of the game, and the best team won, fair and square. It’s an outrage.”

Furious spectators demanded to know why the players were attempting to kick the ball into the goals, instead of writhing on the ground, clutching their shins, in mock agony. Albion supporter Julian Jung explained his frustration: “I didn’t come here to see two teams of talented athletes pitting their skills against each other. I go to football to watch ponces falling over. But these jokers kept standing up, even in the penalty area!”

Bus driver Magnus Smythe added “Not one of them was stretchered off the pitch with a life-threatening injury, only to sprint back on, good as new, 5 seconds later. It’s very disappointing.”



Local papers were inundated with complaints that hallowed traditions had been left for dead. One letter read: “I’ve been watching football for 30 years. When a free-kick is awarded, the penalised player has to run the referee with his hands by his ears, wide-eyed and mouth gaping in disbelief, as if the victim of the greatest injustice since the Birmingham Six. That is an essential part of the game, and if these amateurs don’t like it then they shouldn’t be playing football.”

Other commentators were dismayed to notice that both teams comprised ordinary adults enjoying themselves, rather than a bunch of dim-witted, petulant, boy-band-rejects having tantrums. “Not a single one had a ridiculous £800 haircut”, said Yvonne Spelt. “I think one or two of them may even be able to read.”

Albion manager Rufus Redmond was at a loss to explain what had gone wrong. "Every day I tell the lads two things. First, don't follow the ball. Second, if someone's within ten feet, then it's head back, arms up, crash to the ground. It's hard to get at first, so I tell them just pretend someone in the crowd's shot you with a sniper rifle."

The match's most disgraceful moment came at 77’ when Albion’s Dasid Ghan was brought down by Cliff Clover inside the penalty area. Initially a penalty appeared to have been awarded, but was rescinded after Ghan admitted that the tackle had been fair. Cheryl Jakes remembered “An eerie silence descended on the ground. My husband whispered that he’d never seen anything like it in his life. Me neither.”

Following the game, analysts have expressed concern that the integrity of the sport remains at risk. According to sports journalist Albrecht Manson, “If the situation we saw on Saturday is allowed to pass unchecked, by this time next season there will be nothing left to differentiate football from rugby, cricket, tennis, netball, table-tennis, gymnastics, volleyball, boxing, handball, tae kwon do, basketball, French cricket, chess, judo, croquet, snooker, ninjutsu, tiddly-winks, or kabaddi.”

Speaking after the match, organisers attempted to reassure a concerned public. “In future, we will be using TV cameras to ensure that this sort of debacle can never, ever, be allowed to happen again. Now, come on you cunts, let’s rip this fucking place apart.”

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Don Decker RIP

Readers, if there are any, will be sad to hear of the death of Don Decker, lead singer of the band Anal Blast.

So, wherever you are, and whatever you are doing, please spare 1 minute 53 seconds to stand up and scream your fucking head off:



Anal Blast: Tampon Teabag


Here's another video of the Don showcasing his talents:



Requiscat in pacem, you fucking nutter.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Norman Geras versus Augustus de Morgan

Norman Geras really needs some lessons in logic:

It's a simple logical point, the very simplest: if you say that a certain doctrine - call it [X] - should be dumped in the nearest skip, and if you also believe that [Y] is, in certain circumstances, a justified policy, it better not be the case that the doctrine of [X] includes the proposition that [Y] is, in certain circumstances, a justified policy. Otherwise you'll be dumping something in the skip that you don't really want to dump there.


Let's test this with some different values of X & Y. I am unapologetic in my view that the doctrine of CHAM (Compulsory Homosexuality for All Men) should be slam-dunked back in the skip whence I have just plucked it. But wait! Among its less controversial policies, CHAM holds that men who wish to engage in homosexual relationships should be free to do so. Therefore, by Norm's argument, I must wish to criminalise gay sex.

Others: X = hanging 'em and flogging 'em, Y = punishing criminals; X = Nazism, Y = opposing communism; X = communism, Y = opposing Nazism. Etc, etc, etc.

I mean, if X is a political doctrine, then just about any value of X would want the bins emptied on time, wouldn't it? So if you've ever taken an opposing political stance to anything at all, then I conclude that you have actively campaigned to see the streets of Britain flooded with stinking, rotting rubbish.

UPDATE: I'm going to be really logicky about this.

If X is a political doctrine then it entails a number of specific policies: a,b,c,... To believe in X means to sign up for each of a,b,c,... (of course in the real world there's more room for manoeuvre, but this is the basic meaning). So X is a conjunction:

X = a AND b AND c AND...

Now, if we want to negate X, that is assert that X is false, all that is necessary is that one of a,b,c,... fails. This is de Morgan's second law. So...

NOT X = (NOT a) OR (NOT b) OR (NOT c)...

Norm's error is in believing that to reject X it is necessary to reject each of a,b,c,...:

NOT X should be (NOT a) AND (NOT b) AND (NOT c)...

Norm concludes his 2000 word expounding of the above mistake by accusing Conor Foley of having tied himself in "logical knots", and of producing "flannel".

Friday, July 17, 2009

Monday, May 04, 2009

The ever-widening family

You've read Tampon Teabag, the seldom updated blog.

You've listened to Tampon Teabag, the Anal Blast song.

You've watched Tampon Teabag, the very short video clip.

Now, drink from Tampon Teabag: the cartoon mug!

(Nothing to do with me, blame these folks.)

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